Wednesday, December 29, 2010

REFETUS

Does your bible, the same book that spends an entire testament killing off almost every living being, tell you that abortion is murder?  I know....the Supreme Court just won't overturn that pesky Roe v Wade (and no George Bush, Roe v Wade isn't how Cubans get to America).  But, what can you do about it?  Murder an abortion doctor?  Trip a pregnant woman on her way to the doctor?  Blow up an abortion clinic?

All of these things might land you in jail because the laws in this country suck (except when they are used to punish blacks and Mexicans).

Well now you can buy new REFETUS!  Yes, it's the happy little pill by the makers of "Jesus Juice," "Queer-B-Gone," and "Delusion."  What does REFETUS do?  It allows you to impregnate the woman of your choice without the fuss and muss!   For every abortion, you can make sure another little bouncing baby is born!  Impregnate your neighbor, an old nun, or a teenage girl!  The best part is, if you spike their drink, they won't even know! 

Wait!  It gets even better!  Odds are that without proper parenting, that brand new bouncing baby will have a bad childhood and become a criminal as a teenager.  Maybe they will even end up killing someone!  That would be great because then we can put them to death.  They might even join the U.S. military where they can fight and die in Iraq and Afghanistan!  Killing a fetus is just plain wrong, but when that fetus grows up he/she is fair game!

How much would you pay for REFETUS?  $1,000,000?   $1,000,000,000?  Right now you can buy REFETUS for just $20.00 (That's right no Jewish $19.99 Bullshit!)!  Come on....You piss away more than that in the collection plate each week!

You may ask, "Why should I trust the bible to tell me what is moral?"  That is a question that only a witch would ask....You wouldn't want people to think you are a witch, would you?

So come on America!  Buy REFETUS and re-populate the world.  You know what we say..."Seven billion just isn't enough!"   

*REFETUS is not really necessary since people can get pregnant by simply masturbating (see...Bill Frist).  Again, like characters in the bible this pill also does not exist.  Please do not use this product on any liberals.  The last thing we need is more children learning scientific fact (i.e. devil worship).  This product is also not necessary in the south as most of those women are consistenly pregnant anyway.* 
    

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

End Of The Filibuster As We Know It

Mitch McConnell warned Harry Reid against changing the filibuster rules in the Senate by saying, "If Republicans are the majority in two years, Democrats won't like it." 

First of all, if Mitch McConnell thought restructuring the filibuster rules would hurt the Democrats, he definitely wouldn't say anything to discourage the change.  Harry Reid needs to understand that if the Republicans gain control of the Senate in two years, they will change the rules anyway. 

If we change the rules now, we can prevent the Republicans from stopping every piece of legislation that the President wants to pass for the next two years.  And, to the liberals who are worried that the Democrats won't have the same power to block a Republican President, don't worry, the Democrats don't block anything anyway.  They roll over and beg the American people to vote them in so they can change everything. 

I give the President and the Senate Democrats some credit for getting as much legislation passed as they have.  The filibuster rules are simply not fair, and they are not what the founding fathers intended. 

The founding fathers set up the filibuster so one Senator or a group of Senators could be heard on all bills without being shut out.  The rules were very specific.  That particular Senator could not yield the floor for anything, and he had to keep talking.  No bathroom breaks, food breaks, or anything other kind of break. 

Now, in order to filibuster, a Senator simply has to say he won't allow a vote and it takes sixty Senators to invoke cloture to override that Senator.  The Senator never has to give a reason for the filibuster.  The Senate rules are perfect for Republican obstructionists that have no real ideas on how to run a country.  They just know that they can easily block everything the Democrats wish to accomplish. 

Since the Senate makes up its own rules anyway, Harry Reid should simply outlaw Republicans.  Once the Republicans figure out a way around that, he should just change the rules again.  Or maybe we should all be level-headed about this issue and come to an agreement on the intentions of the founders.

Monday, December 27, 2010

A Letter to Sarah Palin

Dear Part-Time Governor Palin,

I read what you said about Michelle Obama, and just in case you forgot, it went something like this,

“Take her anti-obesity thing that she is on. She is on this kick, right. What she is telling us is she cannot trust parents to make decisions for their own children, for their own families in what we should eat.  I’m going to be again criticized for bringing this up, but instead of a government thinking that they need to take over and make decisions for us according to some politician or politician’s wife priorities, just leave us alone, get off our back, and allow us as individuals to exercise our own God-given rights to make our own decisions and then our country gets back on the right track.”

First of all you miserable bitch, you are goddamn right that you are going to be criticized.  How dare you refer to the President of the United States and the First Lady as "some politician and his wife?"  I feel no need to justify Michelle Obama's position as it is well within her right and obligation to address the child obesity problem we have in the United States of America. 

Secondly, anyone with half a brain (which eliminates everyone in your family) can read what you said and determine that you are a very stupid person.  Since it goes without saying that you are a moron, I am not going to attack your intelligence (even though I just did).  I am instead going to concentrate on your hypocrisy.

I seem to remember you specifically running around condemning individuals for exercising their rights to have an abortion.  I also seem to remember your daughter lecturing other Americans on abstinence.  You also demanded that abstinence be taught in schools.

Why don't you get off our back and allow us as individuals to exercise our own God-given rights (which aren't God-given) to make our own decisions and then let our country get back on the right track?  Why can't you trust parent's decisions when it comes to introducing their children to contraception?  Why do you or your daughter think that the government has the right to step in and teach abstinence?

Maybe you should try to read something and then remember what you read.  It is how normal people formulate an opinion about something.  You asked this country to trust you with the Office of the Vice President, yet you didn't know what a Vice President does.  Maybe that is because you never read the Constitution to find out.  At least President Bush read My Pet Goat.  I know that he did, because he was reading it while peeing his pants on September 11, 2001. 

But, you were asked, "What do you read?"  A perfectly legitimate question to try to determine what your thinking might be, and you couldn't think of anything.  You were so flustered; you didn't even make something up. 

So please, don't concern yourself with problems that affect our society.  Leave those solutions to intelligent people, like Michelle Obama.  And have respect for those that are smarter than you, like the sixteen year old kid that works at Burger King. 

Go back to doing what you do best, hunting wolves from helicopters, pumping out more retarded children like you are a fucking Pez dispenser, and making really bad television shows.  Practice true conservatism and stay in the fucking kitchen, you stupid attention whore. 


Sincerely,


Shawn Johnson
Concerned Citizen

Monday, December 20, 2010

Whores for War

     "This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence -- economic, political, even spiritual -- is felt in every city, every State house, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society."

     "In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the militaryindustrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist."

     What would the modern conservative think of the man who gave the aforementioned speech?  Would he or she embrace these words as words from an intellectual that recognizes a problem but knows that there are better means of addressing that problem?  Or, would the modern conservative call this man a "lilly-ass liberal who has no idea how to defend a country?"  Of course Rush Limbaugh, Dick Armey, Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin would place this man one rung above Bill Ayers without knowing exactly who this man was.

     I do not need to tell you that the man who made this beautiful speech is none other than President Dwight David Eisenhower in his final address to the nation.  Eishenhower realized that allowing multi-national corporations like Blackwater and Halliburton, unfettered access to government funds would cripple this nation.  First of all, corporations demand that they make as much profit as possible, so ending unnecessary war is not an option.  And, secondly, privatization of government jobs is now a staple of Republican policy.

     Whenever President Obama asks for more money for the military he is met by very little opposition in Congress.  Even the Republicans who have vowed to block everything Obama wants, have no problem saying "yes" to large budget increases for the Pentagon.  Never mind that military spending has become twenty percent of our economy (much more than Medicare and Social Security).  The bottom line is, if you want to decrease the deficit, cut the military budget in half.  We would still spend more on the military than any other country in the world by far.  Right now, we spend more than the next seventeen countries combined.  Fear keeps the money flowing.

     Very few in the mainstream media question this spending.  I was watching Meet the Press yesterday morning, and David Gregory was interviewing Joe Biden.  Gregory was grilling the Vice President on spending cuts, wanting to know how the Administration was going to increase spending while decreasing national debt.  This is a fair enough line of questioning and like all good politicians, Joe Biden side-stepped each and every question. 

     The fact that the Vice President gave preplanned, bullshit, stump-speech answers to a reporter's question is not what bothered me.  What bothered me was the focus of the questions.  The focus was on every Congressman's favorite enemy, "earmarks" (which is funny, because the same Congressmen that bash "earmarks" are the same ones that have no problem attaching them to legislation).  To anyone who has passed fifth grade math, it is painstakingly obvious that if we cut all of the "earmark" spending we would save approximately eighteen billion dollars annually, and the national debt is approximately fourteen trillion dollars.  This would be like trying to extinguish a forest fire with a garden hose.  Not to mention that killing "earmark" spending would also kill the jobs that "earmarks" create and drive the middle class further into the " financial ditch."

     Why isn't the focus on cutting our military spending?  Almost every single time we have a budget discussion, the reporter and the politician having the discussion, mutually agree that the military budget cannot be cut or even discussed.   They agree on this without ever talking about it.  Since 2001 I cannot remember one single reporter (maybe Helen Thomas), asking the President why we aren't cutting military spending.  It is the five hundred pound gorilla in the room that nobody talks about. 

     It makes even less sense that we wouldn't discuss our military budget when President Eisenhower gave us the OK to openly question it.  What was Eisenhower dealing with at the time?  We were attacked in 1941, fought in World War II, fought a war in Korea, we were fighting in Vietnam, and the Russians were challenging us with nuclear holocaust.  He made the speech anyway (rightfully so), and it will forever go down as the warning nobody paid attention to.

    Why isn't the word "Blackwater" met with the same disdain as the word "earmark?"  Blackwater officials allowed their own employees to be assaulted and raped by other employees, and they refuse to do anything about it.  They answer to no higher authority, not even to the United States Government who is currently paying them or the laws in the country where they work.  Turning over Blackwater's duties to the United States military would cut the budget because Blackwater employees make triple the salary of a U.S. soldier doing the same job, and it would certainly be the moral thing to do.  Why didn't David Gregory ask the Vice President about Blackwater?  The question could even be a loaded one like, "Mr. Vice President, why is our military corporately controlled?" Even the quick witted Joe Biden wouldn't have a prepared speech for that one. 

     Even worse than the Democrats, who kowtow to corporations, are the Republicans who overwhelmingly and openly support the influx of corporations into our military establishment.  For instance, just ask the thirty-eight Republican U.S. Senators that actually voted against legislation to ban corporations receiving government funds,  from protecting the perpetrators of rape and sexual assault within those same companies.  When I hear people claim that there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans, I like to point this fact out.

     Why doesn't our news media ask important questions about real problems facing our country?  The answer is an obvious one.  The news media is corporately controlled and owned.  How can we trust a news source to give us the "scoop" on their own bosses?  We can't.  We must do our own research and digging which is relatively easy to do, but unfortunately, Americans are too lazy to do it.  Americans trust corporate bullshit that is disguised with the label "news."  How do I know?  Polls conducted of Americans called Fox News the most trusted news source in America.  Yet, there are countless accounts of factually untrue statements and innuendos coming from the personalities and reporters at Fox News.   Worse yet, when Fox News is caught lying, they refuse to retract their statements.  They keep alluding to them as if they are fact.  They will say things like, "Some people are saying that the President was born in Kenya." To which I reply, "Yes, it was the personality on your network I just watched twenty minutes ago."

     In the mainstream media's defense they had excellent round-the-clock coverage on the "Balloon Boy" and the "Octo-Mom."  But, when it comes to real news reporting, it has been left to the journalists with no access to the highest officials in the land.  The questions now shouted at the President of the United States from a room full of glorified bloggers are all about what he is thinking and feeling, rather than what he is doing.

     For example, instead of a good question like, "Mr. President, why is the Pentagon allotted over $600 Billion annually and the American taxpayer still has to pay for an additional $160 Billion for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan," the White House Press Corps asks something dumb like, "Mr. President, you weren't able to get a public option attached to your health care bill, is your Presidency over?"  They treat the President of the United States like he is a high school student who got a math problem wrong, and they do it for ratings and shock value.  If I hear one more mealy-mouth piss-ant in the news media talk about how great it would be if today's journalists were like Walter Cronkite, I am going to puke.  If only they were in a position to do something about that!

     The bottom line is fear and ignorance has kept the American people at bay.  There is very little outrage after David Gregory completely throws the Vice President "softball" questions.  The result is the military- industrial complex will be allowed to exist and flourish until the people begin to demand better.  And, anytime you have to rely on the American people to do the right thing, you are going to fight one hell of an uphill battle.