Did you ever notice that America is exactly like the stupid man in every single "chick flick?" Most of the "chick flicks" I have had the misfortune to have seen have the exact same premise. You have a guy who is dumber than a box of rocks and an insult to the human race, and he is living a life of prosperity on his own. Then he meets the woman with the magic vagina, and "poof," just like that he is instantly changed and sees the error of his ways. Now he is a polished, upstanding human being. Thank god that woman took charge before he ended up alone!
So, the man inevitably caves and marries the nagging, self-indulged witch. But hey, as bad off as this poor bastard was (coming and going as he pleased, having sex with multiple women, a good job, etc.), he should just feel lucky that this woman saved him from that horrible existence. And, they live happily ever after.
The part that these movies don't show you is what comes after. I would love it if they showed this guy twenty years later. I will guarantee you he will buy a sports car, sleep with his secretary, and stay away from home as much as he can, drink until he can't see straight, and gain one hundred pounds. His friends and family will call it a "mid-life crisis" and surprisingly have no explanation to why he "snapped." And, as soon as the wife finds out about the cheating, she makes off with half of everything he owns. That is a dose of reality that the "chick flicks" tend to leave out. If you think this is the exception rather than the norm, you should consider that about half of all marriages end in divorce, and another twenty percent are failing but they stay together for whatever reason.
Now, as a married man, I have no issues with marriage. I enjoy my marriage, and I think that my wife is wonderful. What I resent about these "chick flicks" is the constant suggestion that a man is not complete without a monogamous relationship. These movies assert that this guy has "commitment issues," and that is why he doesn't want to give up his single life. It reminds me of the similar assertion by Republicans that if America just tried living without their precious government they would be much better off. Never mind the founding fathers who created the government for the purpose of prosperity in the first place.
For fifty years liberalism had created prosperity and growth pulling America out of the Great Depression (caused by America's first marriage to the Republicans), and then Ronald Reagan came along and asked America, "Why don't you settle down?" "You can't run around having fun forever."
Just like the man in the "chick flick," America soon saw the error of its ways and married the Republicans. If the movie ended there, you would see the happy ending that you were waiting for. But, now it is thirty years later and the man has been systematically destroyed, and he amazingly is not putting two and two together to realize what has happened to him.
Let's take a look at what lead to the demise of this poor bastard. The part of the wife will be played by the Republicans, and the part of the husband will be played by America.
In 1981 the wife cut taxes, she made dinner every night, and had sex regularly with her husband. The wife quit her job once they got married, but it's ok because the husband was making a decent living. Taxes were low and things were good, but all of a sudden America hit a financial wall, and the wife should have gone back to work. But she didn't, then dinner became a microwave TV dinner, sex was reduced to once a month, and she started nitpicking every little thing her husband did.
Throughout the eighties the husband continued to struggle, having to work harder and harder to please his wife, and getting less and less in return. The wife decided once again to cut taxes, but not for the husband this time. The wife decided only to cut them enough so she could do some extra shopping. The husband was left in the dust. The wife kept telling the husband how good he had it. She also told him that she had to shop to stay beautiful for him and he should understand. The husband nodded in agreement not wanting to upset the wife any further.
Finally in 1992, the husband had an affair (Hey, who didn't in the 90's with Bill Clinton!). It was wonderful! He had more "pep-in-his-step," and the sun shined a little brighter. He thought the liberalism that was so good to him before, returned once again to make him the happy bachelor he once was. But, after eight years, the husband felt unfulfilled again. The husband made cosmetic progress, but nothing significant really changed like he thought it would. In fact, his new squeeze began to seem more and more like his wife. So, without a clear direction, he decided to go back to his wife in 2000.
Now, his wife was clearly insane, and she was determined to clobber him for his affair. She spent the next eight years spending everything he made, running up his credit card bills to new unseen heights, and he became so depressed he lost his job, his house, and then his wife up and left. She said, "Oh well, not my problem anymore."
Then in 2008, out of nowhere, a young woman came along and talked a good game. She promised the husband the once prosperous life that he had so many years ago. Little did he realize though, the wife could not stand to see her ex-husband happy for one single minute. So, she got her friends to sabotage the young woman's efforts. Every step of the way the nasty old crows hindered any chance their relationship had. The young woman was too afraid to stand up to the wife and her friends, so she cowered in a corner allowing the husband to die a slow, painful death.
The young woman never realized that she should have taken a battering ram to the wife. She thought she could reason with the wife to act in the best interests of the husband, but the wife didn't care to hear it. The wife just kept going full speed ahead trying to complete the hit job on her husband's life. The young woman continued to think that the wife would come around and do what was best for the husband. The young woman thought that the wife just had a different set of beliefs. She didn't realize that the wife was simply determined to end the husband's existence.
Today, in 2011 the husband is almost completely destroyed. The bank has come to repossess the little he has left and sell it to China at a discounted price. The husband has lost the credibility he once had, and others now look upon him with great disdain and sadness for what he has become. There is little to no chance of him ever recovering, and he no longer has much to live for. He now hates the new woman in his life simply because she is a woman, and blames her for his problems.
In 2012, the wife will return, and tell the husband, "See, I told you not to get involved with that young woman. Look at you now!" The wife will continue, "I knew she would destroy you. Let's try to make it work again."
Now that the husband is a senior the wife has returned to finish him off by taking away his health care and Social Security. The only question that remains is, "Will the husband be dumb enough to trust her again?"
