Has anyone noticed the absolute "shit-fit" the media has when a politician or celebrity cheats on his wife? Why do so many people seem to care? There are people out there that are more concerned with Tiger Woods' sex life than Mrs. Woods! If you ask the average American to tell you something about John Ensign, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, or Elliott Spitzer they would probably bring up their extra-martial affairs and know nothing else about them.
Let me be the first honorary member of the "I don't give a fuck club". I am much more concerned about the people that Exxon Mobil screws rather than who John Ensign screws. But, this country is consistently like a 17 year old girl. This country really doesn't know anything, likes to constantly be on a cell phone, eats like shit, and gossips heavily.
The news media has become a gossip column and nothing more. Did you know that we still have troops in Iraq and Afghanistan? Not if you watch the evening news, but you sure know the names of every Tiger Woods' mistress. I fully expect to see a news ticker run across my TV that looks like, OMG! Did u here wut HAPPENED to Sndra Bullcock????? lmfao!
I am literally afraid to turn on the television. It is bad when I can turn on any of the major 24 hour news networks and learn all about getting a makeover, how prison inmates have anal intercourse, and the search for Bigfoot.
As a society, we should be much more concerned about people that reportedly do not have sex. How many Catholic Priests need to be caught fucking little boys before we stop calling them celibate? Forget the vow of celibacy. We would just be happy if they limit it to two per month!
So, join my club America, and get a free IJDGAF hat! Let's show people that we really don't care who they fuck!
Oh, who am I kidding! You're only going to join for the free hat!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Is Being an Idiot American? You Betcha!
Throughout the history of children, at least in America, the smartest children in each class are loathed by their classmates. Smart kids make average kids look bad. By the time these children grow up they are supposed to get past these feelings. Adults should be able to see the wonderful qualities of intelligent people and embrace those qualities.
That brings us to the good old US of A. American adults are overwhelmingly unintelligent and uninformed. Instead of trying to become more intelligent and well informed, they choose instead to act like the fourth grader that doesn't measure up. Being an idiot is fashionable. We even use favorable words to describe stupidity and unfavorable words to describe intelligence. Stupid people are referred to as "folksy" while intelligent people are "elitist". Everyone wants to be like "Joe six-pack"! Even though he is really just a drunk, unthinking boob that can't hold down a minimum wage job.
Four out of five Americans believe in angels, and just as many believe that the story about Noah's ark actually happened.
This has a terribly adverse effect on politics because there is no intelligence test when you go to vote. Intelligent politicians must "dumb themselves down" in order to emulate the American population. Because the mainstream media is concerned more about ratings than they are about accuracy of the news, they have "dumbed down" as well.
The President of the United States is the only person in the country that can order the use of a nuclear weapon against another country. In 2000 almost half of the population elected George W. Bush because he promised to remain faithful to his wife, and he seemed like a guy that idiots wouldn't mind drinking with. The problem is, there is a little more to the job than not having extra-marital affairs.
In a "thinking society" Sarah Palin would not qualify for any job that didn't include a name tag, George Bush would still be living with his parents, and Glenn Beck would be still be ranting, but it would be located on a street corner instead of a live studio.
Politicians could have real debates without the fear of looking too smart. Joe Biden had to fall all over himself to keep from possibly challenging Sarah Palin in any way, shape, or form. The American people thought Joe Biden won the debate because he didn't pick on the stupid kid. In an intelligent society, he would be expected to do the exact opposite.
Don't think America is stupid? Consider the following statistics from the ISI's simple civics test:
1. 71% of Americans failed the exam.
2. 51% could not name the three branches of government (Sarah Palin thinks they are fig, maple, and oak).
3. The average score for college seniors was 54%.
4. 79% OF THE ELECTED OFFICIALS THAT TOOK THE TEST DID NOT KNOW THAT THE BILL OF RIGHTS PROHIBITS THE ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION!
5. 43% of elected officials did not know the purpose of the electoral college. (George Bush thinks it is where his brother Jeb graduated from)
6. 39% of lawmakers think the President has to declare war.
7. The average score for college professors was 55%!
8. 56% knew that Paula Abdul was a judge on American Idol! (This was the number one question that people got right!)
What you have now is a government that mirrors the people. Men and women in power don't know the Bill of Rights, where Iraq is, or that Medicare is government paid health care.
Stupid politicians keep insisting that America was founded as a Christian nation. They do not realize that the founding fathers intended no such thing for America. They didn't even mention God once in the Constitution. They explicitly told religion to "butt out" and made it law.
The country suffers from this too. We can't stop things that don't work because Americans like the way they sound. The "War on Drugs" polls extremely favorably, and most people don't even care that it costs $36 Billion each year. And since its inception, drug use has increased by 1% in the US.
If you take the military spending for the entire world, the United States is 41% of it. We have allocated $1.2 Trillion in 2010 for defense spending alone. Any person of reasonable intelligence and sense would take a look at China and say, "They seem to be able to defend their country for about 60 Billion this year, and they have 700 million more people." I think we would be ok if we cut our spending in half.
But we aren't going to hear that, because Americans can't think that far ahead. Half of Americans think that Barack Obama is not as strong militarily as George Bush even though he spends more on defense! They also think that their taxes are higher, even though they received a tax cut.
The Roman Empire was much stronger and more intelligent than the American Empire. We all know what happened to the Roman Empire (Unless you are American, and then you should google "Roman Empire" to find out).
Stupidity is not cute or appealing. It is certainly not a quality that a leader of men and women should have. Stupidity leads to racism, homophobia, and fear of the alphabet. It causes injustice and severely hampers science.
This planet is being quickly destroyed by global warming. Despite overwhelming scientific evidence (completely laid out in the book "An Inconvenient Truth") that climate change is occurring, 62% of the population doesn't believe it. Their argument is "It snowed this year".
Keep it up America and we will not survive. The intelligent are offering their help. I suggest we take it before it is too late!
That brings us to the good old US of A. American adults are overwhelmingly unintelligent and uninformed. Instead of trying to become more intelligent and well informed, they choose instead to act like the fourth grader that doesn't measure up. Being an idiot is fashionable. We even use favorable words to describe stupidity and unfavorable words to describe intelligence. Stupid people are referred to as "folksy" while intelligent people are "elitist". Everyone wants to be like "Joe six-pack"! Even though he is really just a drunk, unthinking boob that can't hold down a minimum wage job.
Four out of five Americans believe in angels, and just as many believe that the story about Noah's ark actually happened.
This has a terribly adverse effect on politics because there is no intelligence test when you go to vote. Intelligent politicians must "dumb themselves down" in order to emulate the American population. Because the mainstream media is concerned more about ratings than they are about accuracy of the news, they have "dumbed down" as well.
The President of the United States is the only person in the country that can order the use of a nuclear weapon against another country. In 2000 almost half of the population elected George W. Bush because he promised to remain faithful to his wife, and he seemed like a guy that idiots wouldn't mind drinking with. The problem is, there is a little more to the job than not having extra-marital affairs.
In a "thinking society" Sarah Palin would not qualify for any job that didn't include a name tag, George Bush would still be living with his parents, and Glenn Beck would be still be ranting, but it would be located on a street corner instead of a live studio.
Politicians could have real debates without the fear of looking too smart. Joe Biden had to fall all over himself to keep from possibly challenging Sarah Palin in any way, shape, or form. The American people thought Joe Biden won the debate because he didn't pick on the stupid kid. In an intelligent society, he would be expected to do the exact opposite.
Don't think America is stupid? Consider the following statistics from the ISI's simple civics test:
1. 71% of Americans failed the exam.
2. 51% could not name the three branches of government (Sarah Palin thinks they are fig, maple, and oak).
3. The average score for college seniors was 54%.
4. 79% OF THE ELECTED OFFICIALS THAT TOOK THE TEST DID NOT KNOW THAT THE BILL OF RIGHTS PROHIBITS THE ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION!
5. 43% of elected officials did not know the purpose of the electoral college. (George Bush thinks it is where his brother Jeb graduated from)
6. 39% of lawmakers think the President has to declare war.
7. The average score for college professors was 55%!
8. 56% knew that Paula Abdul was a judge on American Idol! (This was the number one question that people got right!)
What you have now is a government that mirrors the people. Men and women in power don't know the Bill of Rights, where Iraq is, or that Medicare is government paid health care.
Stupid politicians keep insisting that America was founded as a Christian nation. They do not realize that the founding fathers intended no such thing for America. They didn't even mention God once in the Constitution. They explicitly told religion to "butt out" and made it law.
The country suffers from this too. We can't stop things that don't work because Americans like the way they sound. The "War on Drugs" polls extremely favorably, and most people don't even care that it costs $36 Billion each year. And since its inception, drug use has increased by 1% in the US.
If you take the military spending for the entire world, the United States is 41% of it. We have allocated $1.2 Trillion in 2010 for defense spending alone. Any person of reasonable intelligence and sense would take a look at China and say, "They seem to be able to defend their country for about 60 Billion this year, and they have 700 million more people." I think we would be ok if we cut our spending in half.
But we aren't going to hear that, because Americans can't think that far ahead. Half of Americans think that Barack Obama is not as strong militarily as George Bush even though he spends more on defense! They also think that their taxes are higher, even though they received a tax cut.
The Roman Empire was much stronger and more intelligent than the American Empire. We all know what happened to the Roman Empire (Unless you are American, and then you should google "Roman Empire" to find out).
Stupidity is not cute or appealing. It is certainly not a quality that a leader of men and women should have. Stupidity leads to racism, homophobia, and fear of the alphabet. It causes injustice and severely hampers science.
This planet is being quickly destroyed by global warming. Despite overwhelming scientific evidence (completely laid out in the book "An Inconvenient Truth") that climate change is occurring, 62% of the population doesn't believe it. Their argument is "It snowed this year".
Keep it up America and we will not survive. The intelligent are offering their help. I suggest we take it before it is too late!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Right Wing's Disappearing Act
Where are the anti-government right-wingers? Did they leave the country? Did I finally get my wish? Oh crap! They are still here. I figured that they would be protesting the new government intrusion in Arizona into American citizen's private lives. We all know that when right-wingers stage a protest they have their ducks in a row.
Just look at what they stopped with health care protests!
- Private Insurance is still legal.
- Grandma won't be put to death by a Roman Emperor.
- The government doesn't have access to your bank account (except through the Patriot Act).
- Illegal Immigrants won't be given care on the government's dime (unless they use an emergency room like they have always done before).
- Acorn will not provide home medical services.
- Health care won't be rationed (unless you have private insurance...then it gets rationed by your claims adjuster).
- The government won't intervene in your marriage (unless you are homosexual and then you can't have one).
(This all sounds very impressive until you realize that none of these things were actually ever considered.)
So I watched Fox News all weekend to find out where the Tea Party, anti-goverment, pro-citizen rallies were in Arizona. I expected to see pictures of the Arizona Governor with a Hitler mustache. I expected to see signs misspelled in English and Spanish. I expected to see a group that supposedly bases their movement on freedom from tyranny protesting in their usual large numbers (500 Jed Clampits' strong baby!)
There were no rallies! There were no protests! "Oh my God" I thought "Did they all die"? No, they are still alive and well.
You see, the driving force behind the right wing of this country has nothing to do with government intrusion. According to the majority of conservatives I talk to, the government has every right to intervene when it kicks the shit out of African-Americans, Hispanics, women and basically everyone else that isn't rich, white, and male.
The Tea Party absent during real injustice? Why am I not surprised?
Just look at what they stopped with health care protests!
- Private Insurance is still legal.
- Grandma won't be put to death by a Roman Emperor.
- The government doesn't have access to your bank account (except through the Patriot Act).
- Illegal Immigrants won't be given care on the government's dime (unless they use an emergency room like they have always done before).
- Acorn will not provide home medical services.
- Health care won't be rationed (unless you have private insurance...then it gets rationed by your claims adjuster).
- The government won't intervene in your marriage (unless you are homosexual and then you can't have one).
(This all sounds very impressive until you realize that none of these things were actually ever considered.)
So I watched Fox News all weekend to find out where the Tea Party, anti-goverment, pro-citizen rallies were in Arizona. I expected to see pictures of the Arizona Governor with a Hitler mustache. I expected to see signs misspelled in English and Spanish. I expected to see a group that supposedly bases their movement on freedom from tyranny protesting in their usual large numbers (500 Jed Clampits' strong baby!)
There were no rallies! There were no protests! "Oh my God" I thought "Did they all die"? No, they are still alive and well.
You see, the driving force behind the right wing of this country has nothing to do with government intrusion. According to the majority of conservatives I talk to, the government has every right to intervene when it kicks the shit out of African-Americans, Hispanics, women and basically everyone else that isn't rich, white, and male.
The Tea Party absent during real injustice? Why am I not surprised?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Party of the Ignorant...For the Conglomerates
As a rule, I never speak to a Republican after eating, mainly because it is not proper etiquette to upchuck on the individual with whom you are conversing. The hypocrisy of these right-wingers makes me physically ill.
Ask a Republican if he or she is for fiscal responsibility, and he or she will most certainly tell you "yes". Ask a Republican if he or she supports lower taxes. He or she will basically wet themselves. Ask a Republican if he or she supports the policies of George W. Bush over the policies of Barack H. Obama and the answer will be affirmative once again.
These answers are an amazing contradiction of one another. Barack Obama has proven himself to be much more fiscally responsible than George Bush, and he has lowered taxes for 95% of the country.
We are beginning to see the early signs of job creation, and according to the Gallup poll people are happier and healthier than they have been since 2007. The health care legislation that was passed will cost much less in the long run than the current system (per the Congressional Budget Report). The "Cash for Clunkers" program (attention Teabaggers....this is not a trade in program for family members) revitalized a dying auto sales market. And the Economic Recovery Act has helped small businesses all over the country (1/3 of this package was additional tax cuts).
What could be more fiscally responsible than placing laws into effect that will prevent another large bank bailout (which by the way George Bush allocated $700 Billion to without bothering to find out where the money would end up)? What could be more important to Republicans than enforcing strict regulation to make sure that we never have another "government takeover of the banks"?
What is much more important to these weasels is the failure of Barack Obama. So, not surprisingly, it is Republican representatives and senators with the overwhelming support of their constituency (35% approve of regulating Wall Street 53% disapprove), that are filibustering an attempt to debate these issues. They don't even want to talk about how to regulate Wall Street, much less do it!
Will this hurt the Republicans? Of course not! They have been reduced to such a small fraction of this country that just being against whatever Obama is for, is good enough. They don't care if it is actually good or not. Republicans hate America. They want to see this country fail. They are sick, twisted individuals with no regard for worker's rights. How else do you explain the fact that they do their best to sacrifice millions of American jobs in order to help large corporations make bigger profits?
Sorry Dad and Mom with three children. Remember that job you had? Well, it was more important to give your salary to the wonderful top notch executives of Goldman Sachs. Besides, we can exploit starving people in third world countries and have them do your job for a bowl of rice. We have to pay you money. So, you understand, right?
It is time to can the fucking bipartisanship and break up the banks. When are the Democrats going to realize that bipartisanship only works if you have two sides that are working towards the betterment of the American people? When is this president going to stop employing conservative ideas that have been proven a failure time and time again? Democrats, the time is now! You want to gain back the trust of the American people? Do what is right instead of what is bipartisan.
Ask a Republican if he or she is for fiscal responsibility, and he or she will most certainly tell you "yes". Ask a Republican if he or she supports lower taxes. He or she will basically wet themselves. Ask a Republican if he or she supports the policies of George W. Bush over the policies of Barack H. Obama and the answer will be affirmative once again.
These answers are an amazing contradiction of one another. Barack Obama has proven himself to be much more fiscally responsible than George Bush, and he has lowered taxes for 95% of the country.
We are beginning to see the early signs of job creation, and according to the Gallup poll people are happier and healthier than they have been since 2007. The health care legislation that was passed will cost much less in the long run than the current system (per the Congressional Budget Report). The "Cash for Clunkers" program (attention Teabaggers....this is not a trade in program for family members) revitalized a dying auto sales market. And the Economic Recovery Act has helped small businesses all over the country (1/3 of this package was additional tax cuts).
What could be more fiscally responsible than placing laws into effect that will prevent another large bank bailout (which by the way George Bush allocated $700 Billion to without bothering to find out where the money would end up)? What could be more important to Republicans than enforcing strict regulation to make sure that we never have another "government takeover of the banks"?
What is much more important to these weasels is the failure of Barack Obama. So, not surprisingly, it is Republican representatives and senators with the overwhelming support of their constituency (35% approve of regulating Wall Street 53% disapprove), that are filibustering an attempt to debate these issues. They don't even want to talk about how to regulate Wall Street, much less do it!
Will this hurt the Republicans? Of course not! They have been reduced to such a small fraction of this country that just being against whatever Obama is for, is good enough. They don't care if it is actually good or not. Republicans hate America. They want to see this country fail. They are sick, twisted individuals with no regard for worker's rights. How else do you explain the fact that they do their best to sacrifice millions of American jobs in order to help large corporations make bigger profits?
Sorry Dad and Mom with three children. Remember that job you had? Well, it was more important to give your salary to the wonderful top notch executives of Goldman Sachs. Besides, we can exploit starving people in third world countries and have them do your job for a bowl of rice. We have to pay you money. So, you understand, right?
It is time to can the fucking bipartisanship and break up the banks. When are the Democrats going to realize that bipartisanship only works if you have two sides that are working towards the betterment of the American people? When is this president going to stop employing conservative ideas that have been proven a failure time and time again? Democrats, the time is now! You want to gain back the trust of the American people? Do what is right instead of what is bipartisan.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Queer B-Gone
Are you a completely heterosexual Republican christian that has accidentally contracted the homosexual virus? We know just how you feel. There you were, being a completely admirable right-wing christian when someone infected with the gay disease, gave it to you. The next thing you know, you are sinning in a Minnesota airport bathroom! When you learn you have the disease your first thought is, "What am I going to do?" as you think about the countless hours in a dark, secluded confessional with another man, "ridding yourself" of this terrible disease.
Well don't "sweat" it any longer! Introducing now, new "Queer B-Gone"! Yes, the makers of "Jesus Juice" (the famous soft drink that allows you to walk on water), have worked yet another miracle! This tiny little pill will cure your homosexuality without the exorcism. How does it work? What do you care? After fully accepting that a virgin gave birth and a guy lived in a whale for three days, you won't think twice about this little wonder!
Just think...In no time you will be watching your neighbor burn a cross, all without having to think about how he would look without the white sheet! No more of the pesky urges with your congressional pages either!
Just ask Reverend Ted Haggard if he would use any other product! Trust us, he would say no!
How much would you pay for this pill?$100.00, $200.00? Right now you can get "Queer B-Gone" for only $19.95! Wait! That's not all! Call within the next 10 minutes and we will throw in new "Junior Queer B-Gone" absolutely free! What better gift for the catholic priest in your life?
You get "Queer B-Gone", "Junior Queer B-Gone", and memory-foam knee pads for "praying" all for $19.95! You won't find a better deal!
Call Now!
We accept Master Card, Visa, and money in the offering plate...No exchanges or refunds....Just like the characters in the bible, pill does not actually exist.
Side effects may include stupidity, bigotry, and hypocritical things will pop out of your mouth at inopportune times. You may feel the unnecessary urge to send other people's children to war while claiming you are pro-life.
The makers of Queer B-Gone do not accept any responsibility for the appearance of your wife during your apology press conference.
Well don't "sweat" it any longer! Introducing now, new "Queer B-Gone"! Yes, the makers of "Jesus Juice" (the famous soft drink that allows you to walk on water), have worked yet another miracle! This tiny little pill will cure your homosexuality without the exorcism. How does it work? What do you care? After fully accepting that a virgin gave birth and a guy lived in a whale for three days, you won't think twice about this little wonder!
Just think...In no time you will be watching your neighbor burn a cross, all without having to think about how he would look without the white sheet! No more of the pesky urges with your congressional pages either!
Just ask Reverend Ted Haggard if he would use any other product! Trust us, he would say no!
How much would you pay for this pill?
You get "Queer B-Gone", "Junior Queer B-Gone", and memory-foam knee pads for "praying" all for $19.95! You won't find a better deal!
Call Now!
We accept Master Card, Visa, and money in the offering plate...No exchanges or refunds....Just like the characters in the bible, pill does not actually exist.
Side effects may include stupidity, bigotry, and hypocritical things will pop out of your mouth at inopportune times. You may feel the unnecessary urge to send other people's children to war while claiming you are pro-life.
The makers of Queer B-Gone do not accept any responsibility for the appearance of your wife during your apology press conference.
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Tea Party is a Movement?
There have been many great movements in the history of the world, and especially here in the United States of America. The Civil Rights Movement, Women's Suffrage, the Anti-Slavery Movement, the Anti-War Movements, and the list goes on and on. These movements all have two things in common. First, they have passionate individuals involved that are fighting against perceived injustice. Second, these movements are goal orientated. They seek to change things through the democratic process. They are not really concerned with the party affiliation of those in power. Democrat or Republican, it doesn't really matter to the protesters.
We now have a new so-called movement developed within the last two years. It is called the Tea Party Movement. I will grant you that the individuals involved are passionate, but that is the only thing that even remotely resembles this national embarrassment as a movement. The real truth is that the "Tea baggers" could care less about the issues they are screaming about. Those issues mask their racist, homophobic, religious agenda.
How do I know they don't care about the issues they are ranting over? Because they don't know anything about the issues they pretend to be passionate about.
The number one concern among these retards, judging from the posters they wave with the President dressed as Hitler, is high taxes. Barack Obama and the Democratic led Congress cut taxes for 98% of Americans in 2009. One-third of the Recovery Investment Act was tax cuts. Never once did these mental midgets stage an anti-tax rally against George W. Bush, even though the vast majority paid more taxes under his presidency. Despite these facts, 64% of the "special people" think Obama raised their taxes.
A "Tea bagger" thinking that his or her taxes are higher now than before is the equivalent of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. thinking that segregation was more of a problem under Jimmy Carter than it was under Herbert Hoover. How the fuck do you not know basic facts about your number one issue? It is absolutely mind-boggling.
The number two grievance is that America is abandoning capitalism and turning to socialism. Never mind the fact that 99% of our economy is controlled by the private sector, and the government does not own the banks or the auto dealers like these "Forrest Gumps" believe, but even more importantly, things that should be government run are being given to the private sector as well. Military contracts, which Republican President Dwight D. Eisenhower railed against, are infesting Iraq and Afghanistan. Private health insurance companies are causing the deaths of thousands of Americans each year. Jobs are being outsourced in America at alarming rates. This is all in the name of capitalism.
The third biggest bitch is government spending. They don't know what we're spending or what we're spending it on (probably because most of them can't read), but they know they don't like it. Every time one of these scumbags is interviewed, they are offered several solutions to cut spending. The interviewer asks them if they are willing to forgo Medicare and Social Security. They always say no. Then the interviewer asks them if they are willing to cut military expenses. They say no to that as well. Those three things make up about 60% of our federal spending. They like unemployment benefits too!
Barack Obama has done everything these assholes desire most, which begs a question....Why do they hate him so much?
The answer is simple. He is an African-American Democrat. First, these people at the Tea Party rallies are 100% white. They are racist, as evidenced by their posters and the fact that they like to shout "nigger" like it is a nervous tick or something. Secondly, they are a creation of Fox News and the Republican Party and not a real movement. Their party loyalty is painstakingly obvious, because if they were really about the issues, they would have hung George Bush. Bush spent us into the ground, gave the bankers $700 Billion, started wars with no way to pay for them, and sold our children's health to the Chinese.
Obama is a socialist? Please! He isn't even a liberal. If I were President of the United States I would raise every one's taxes except the very poor, sign the Medicare for All bill, and cut our military budget by two-thirds. I would raise the poverty level to $25,000 a year (basically what I made when I was 18 and living at home) making millions of Americans eligible for benefits. I would tax the shit out of corporations that send American jobs overseas, and I would make the "Cash for Clunkers" program permanent.
Obama is a middle of the road Democrat, and anyone who cannot see that is blind with hatred. He is only offensive to a small portion of this country because of the color of his skin and the quality of his mind. If he came out tomorrow and asked, "Is our children learning?" his approval rating among these "numb nuts" might increase.
"Tea baggers" want their country back! What they fail to mention is the country they want back was taken from them by Lincoln, not by Obama.
We now have a new so-called movement developed within the last two years. It is called the Tea Party Movement. I will grant you that the individuals involved are passionate, but that is the only thing that even remotely resembles this national embarrassment as a movement. The real truth is that the "Tea baggers" could care less about the issues they are screaming about. Those issues mask their racist, homophobic, religious agenda.
How do I know they don't care about the issues they are ranting over? Because they don't know anything about the issues they pretend to be passionate about.
The number one concern among these retards, judging from the posters they wave with the President dressed as Hitler, is high taxes. Barack Obama and the Democratic led Congress cut taxes for 98% of Americans in 2009. One-third of the Recovery Investment Act was tax cuts. Never once did these mental midgets stage an anti-tax rally against George W. Bush, even though the vast majority paid more taxes under his presidency. Despite these facts, 64% of the "special people" think Obama raised their taxes.
A "Tea bagger" thinking that his or her taxes are higher now than before is the equivalent of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. thinking that segregation was more of a problem under Jimmy Carter than it was under Herbert Hoover. How the fuck do you not know basic facts about your number one issue? It is absolutely mind-boggling.
The number two grievance is that America is abandoning capitalism and turning to socialism. Never mind the fact that 99% of our economy is controlled by the private sector, and the government does not own the banks or the auto dealers like these "Forrest Gumps" believe, but even more importantly, things that should be government run are being given to the private sector as well. Military contracts, which Republican President Dwight D. Eisenhower railed against, are infesting Iraq and Afghanistan. Private health insurance companies are causing the deaths of thousands of Americans each year. Jobs are being outsourced in America at alarming rates. This is all in the name of capitalism.
The third biggest bitch is government spending. They don't know what we're spending or what we're spending it on (probably because most of them can't read), but they know they don't like it. Every time one of these scumbags is interviewed, they are offered several solutions to cut spending. The interviewer asks them if they are willing to forgo Medicare and Social Security. They always say no. Then the interviewer asks them if they are willing to cut military expenses. They say no to that as well. Those three things make up about 60% of our federal spending. They like unemployment benefits too!
Barack Obama has done everything these assholes desire most, which begs a question....Why do they hate him so much?
The answer is simple. He is an African-American Democrat. First, these people at the Tea Party rallies are 100% white. They are racist, as evidenced by their posters and the fact that they like to shout "nigger" like it is a nervous tick or something. Secondly, they are a creation of Fox News and the Republican Party and not a real movement. Their party loyalty is painstakingly obvious, because if they were really about the issues, they would have hung George Bush. Bush spent us into the ground, gave the bankers $700 Billion, started wars with no way to pay for them, and sold our children's health to the Chinese.
Obama is a socialist? Please! He isn't even a liberal. If I were President of the United States I would raise every one's taxes except the very poor, sign the Medicare for All bill, and cut our military budget by two-thirds. I would raise the poverty level to $25,000 a year (basically what I made when I was 18 and living at home) making millions of Americans eligible for benefits. I would tax the shit out of corporations that send American jobs overseas, and I would make the "Cash for Clunkers" program permanent.
Obama is a middle of the road Democrat, and anyone who cannot see that is blind with hatred. He is only offensive to a small portion of this country because of the color of his skin and the quality of his mind. If he came out tomorrow and asked, "Is our children learning?" his approval rating among these "numb nuts" might increase.
"Tea baggers" want their country back! What they fail to mention is the country they want back was taken from them by Lincoln, not by Obama.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Abraham Lincoln was wrong!
In 1865 the United States of America defeated a treasonous, rouge nation known as the Confederacy. Yes, the "tough guy" south was defeated by the "homosexually, elitist" north. This victory held the nation together, outlawed slavery, and asserted the federal government over the states. Abraham Lincoln was the president at the time, and he is given much of the credit for this victory.
Many southerners, even elected officials, have expressed their desire once again attempt to succeed from the union. What a wonderful idea! I cannot believe that Lincoln actually wanted to keep these incest-laden bastards! Wait! Before you dismiss my idea, please consider the benefits to splitting the nation.
The United States would immediately raise its low rankings in education, health, protection of the environment, and I.Q. level. With the reduction of evangelical Christians and southern Baptists, we could also make huge advances in science and reading. With the reduction of the most poverty riddled states, our federal government could retrieve the surplus that we had at the end of the 90's. Barack Obama could fight poverty, global warming, health insurance companies, and terrorism without having to argue with cast from "Hee-Haw". The obesity rate would dramatically decrease, and we could start identifying citizens by their dental records again.
Imagine if two presidential candidates never again, had to appeal to hillbillies in Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama, or Texas. A debate would actually be about real issues, and not about "the war on Christmas". Sarah Palin would have a 3% approval rating, and Dick Cheney would be shot as a foreign enemy of the state.
Now, I know what you are thinking, "Aren't there going to be several problems with this idea"? That is a very valid point, so I have solutions to the top five largest problems we will face.
1. Illegal immigration - Unfortunately, we will have Confederates attempting to come to the United States and take jobs from hard working Americans. I propose we build a border fence along the Mason-Dixon Line to keep these free-loading bastards out of our country. Mexican immigrants will be more than happy to assist us with the labor.
2. Loss of resources like oil, tobacco, and cotton - Uh-oh, we just found out that Confederate President Chuck Norris is hiding weapons of mass destruction. We must immediately invade, and due to the repeal of "don't ask...don't tell", we have military personnel that will actually have a "pull-out" strategy!
3. Like all groups of people, the south will still have great performers, thinkers, and leaders. We will make it very easy for these exceptional individuals to gain citizenship to the United States, much in the same way we treat Europe and Asia.
4. Because of cheap cost of land in Louisiana and Mississippi, American businesses will build their factories on foreign soil. - We will immediately raise the tax level to 100% for these companies until they hire American workers again. Also, legalization of marijuana will make up the job loss from tobacco and firearms.
5. Excuses - We used to point to southerners as our excuse for why America is so fucked up. Europeans, Africans, Asians, and Canadians readily accepted this explanation. Not to worry! We still have the Midwestern people that we can blame for instances of national stupidity.
So, come on America! Get behind this initiative and give the KKK....I mean the Nazi's.....I mean the fine southern people their wish. Bring back the Confederate States of Bush!
Many southerners, even elected officials, have expressed their desire once again attempt to succeed from the union. What a wonderful idea! I cannot believe that Lincoln actually wanted to keep these incest-laden bastards! Wait! Before you dismiss my idea, please consider the benefits to splitting the nation.
The United States would immediately raise its low rankings in education, health, protection of the environment, and I.Q. level. With the reduction of evangelical Christians and southern Baptists, we could also make huge advances in science and reading. With the reduction of the most poverty riddled states, our federal government could retrieve the surplus that we had at the end of the 90's. Barack Obama could fight poverty, global warming, health insurance companies, and terrorism without having to argue with cast from "Hee-Haw". The obesity rate would dramatically decrease, and we could start identifying citizens by their dental records again.
Imagine if two presidential candidates never again, had to appeal to hillbillies in Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama, or Texas. A debate would actually be about real issues, and not about "the war on Christmas". Sarah Palin would have a 3% approval rating, and Dick Cheney would be shot as a foreign enemy of the state.
Now, I know what you are thinking, "Aren't there going to be several problems with this idea"? That is a very valid point, so I have solutions to the top five largest problems we will face.
1. Illegal immigration - Unfortunately, we will have Confederates attempting to come to the United States and take jobs from hard working Americans. I propose we build a border fence along the Mason-Dixon Line to keep these free-loading bastards out of our country. Mexican immigrants will be more than happy to assist us with the labor.
2. Loss of resources like oil, tobacco, and cotton - Uh-oh, we just found out that Confederate President Chuck Norris is hiding weapons of mass destruction. We must immediately invade, and due to the repeal of "don't ask...don't tell", we have military personnel that will actually have a "pull-out" strategy!
3. Like all groups of people, the south will still have great performers, thinkers, and leaders. We will make it very easy for these exceptional individuals to gain citizenship to the United States, much in the same way we treat Europe and Asia.
4. Because of cheap cost of land in Louisiana and Mississippi, American businesses will build their factories on foreign soil. - We will immediately raise the tax level to 100% for these companies until they hire American workers again. Also, legalization of marijuana will make up the job loss from tobacco and firearms.
5. Excuses - We used to point to southerners as our excuse for why America is so fucked up. Europeans, Africans, Asians, and Canadians readily accepted this explanation. Not to worry! We still have the Midwestern people that we can blame for instances of national stupidity.
So, come on America! Get behind this initiative and give the KKK....I mean the Nazi's.....I mean the fine southern people their wish. Bring back the Confederate States of Bush!
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